Long distance relationships, whether with friends, family or people you’re going out with, are more and more common these days.” Anna O’Mahony Sinnott, Moderator at Turn2Me, stated, “The far-flung corners of the world aren’t so far-flung anymore. People often move away for college or work. It can obviously be hard to be far away from people, but there are ways to make it work.
Anna listed the positives and challenging aspects of long-distance relationship, as well as tips on how to manage the challenges:
“In terms of the Positive Aspects of long-distance relationships, space and independence comes to mind first.” Anna stated, “Spending time apart from your partner or friend is an opportunity to explore your interests and make plans just for you. Working on other relationships makes you less dependent on your long-distance relationship for support.
“The second is communication. Talking on the phone or emailing someone on the other side of the world is so easy now. It can end up being a really good way to get to know them better. You might discover things about each other that would never have come up face-to-face, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
“The third positive is appreciation. Being away from someone can help you appreciate them a bit more, making you less likely to take them for granted or just focus on the physical side of things.
“The fourth positive is a stronger relationship. The challenges and extra level of commitment involved can make a long-distance relationship stronger. There is no chance of taking each other for granted.”
Anna also emphasised that there are many unique challenges that come with the territory of being in a long-distance relationship – “The first is the Physical distance,” Anna said, “Not having your partner or friend in reach when you need them can be tough. Ask for support from another friend or family member. It’s not the same, but it can be a good substitute.
“The second challenge is the loneliness. There will be times when you feel alone and not involved in your partner or friend’s life. Give them a call and check in. Hearing their voice might help you work through the loneliness and look forward to seeing them again.
“The fourth challenge is jealousy. It’s fairly normal to worry your friend no longer needs you or that your partner wants to break up with you/see someone else because you can’t be physically present in their life. If you’re feeling this way, talk to your other friends about it for some perspective and talk to the person you’re missing. Sustaining a long-distance relationship is pretty challenging and needs commitment, trust and honesty to work.”
Anna has listed some suggestions for making it work, which include staying in touch – “Keeping in contact takes extra effort.” Anna stated, “That said, phone calls, Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, and facetime make it way easier now. Letters can be great too, everyone loves getting stuff in the post. Try to make a habit of using video calls, a lot are free and you get to see their face.”
Talk about the relationship:
“Bring them up in conversation. Keep reminding yourself and others that this person is still an important part of your life even if they live miles away. Trust – it’s really important that both of you know that the other is staying faithful and being honest.
“Plan ahead – Organising visits to your partner or friend well ahead of time can give you something to look forward to. If you’re spending a few years away from someone, breaking the time up with visits can stop it from feeling like such a long time. It’s really good to have the next visit planned before you leave each other, even if it’s not for ages.”
Tough Times
“There will be tough times in any long-distance relationship,” Anna said, “You’ll argue and feel distant, and you’ll miss them. It’s more difficult to patch things up when you’re so far away, so arguments can seem worse than they really are. This doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Remember sometimes emotion or sarcasm does not translate via text or email, if you are unclear, talk about it.”
Weigh up Pro’s & Con’s
“Ask yourself whether the relationship is worth the heartache, given the fact you won’t always be apart from each other.” Anna said, “If you think it is, keep the lines of communication open and give it some time. If you’re not sure, talk to your partner or friend about your worries. They’ll know how you feel. Being honest with them can help you get over a rough patch.
“If you end up wanting to leave a long-distance relationship, talk to someone you trust first, and make sure it’s really what you want. Never end the relationship by writing an email or sending a letter. You owe the other person the chance to have a conversation over the phone about the step you’re taking. Long distance relationships work for some people and not for others. It’s a personal thing. But surviving being apart and still together can be really worth the effort.”
Turn2Me is running free, unlimited weekly support groups on relationship issues for anyone who is struggling in a long-distance relationship. Turn2Me’s free mental health services are available 365 days a year on their website, Turn2Me.ie
About Turn2Me:
Turn2me was founded in 2009 stemming from the very personal experiences of Oisin and Diarmuid Scollard, who lost their brother, Cormac, to suicide in 2003. In 2013, turn2me gained the support of the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention to deliver counselling online. In 2019, turn2me joined forces with ReachOut Ireland to create a space for young people to find information to support their mental health online. As of September 2021, turn2me offers adult counselling and peer support services to adults and young people aged 12 plus. It also offers group support services for teenagers, young people and adults. Turn2Me had helped over 120,000 people since it was set up in 2009.