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In an unexpected yet delightful turn of events, Cork City Council has announced an innovative approach to combat congestion and carbon emissions within the city centre: the introduction of “Pogo Stick Only” lanes. Set to roll out as part of a pilot scheme on April 1st, this initiative aims to add a spring to the step of Corkonians seeking alternative and environmentally friendly modes of transportation.

The decision comes after a comprehensive study by the Department of Transport and Public Mirth, which found that pogo sticks not only leave a zero carbon footprint but also significantly enhance mood levels amongst commuters. The report, cheekily titled “Bounce Back: Cork’s Leap Towards Greener Commutes,” outlines the positive environmental impact and the potential for increasing physical fitness among the city’s population.

Councillor Hugh Jumphries, head of the newly established Division of Unconventional Transport, shared his excitement about the initiative:

“We’ve seen bike lanes, we’ve seen pedestrian-only zones, but it’s high time we give pogo sticks the respect they deserve. Not only are they eco-friendly, but they’re also incredibly fun. We believe this will put Cork on the map as a pioneer of innovative urban transport solutions.”

The pilot scheme will see the installation of pogo stick lanes on several key streets throughout the city, including Patrick Street, Oliver Plunkett Street, and Grand Parade. In addition, the council has announced plans to offer pogo stick training sessions and to distribute free pogo sticks at various locations to encourage participation.

Minister for Transport, Eamonn Ryan may (or may not*) have said:

“Embracing the pogo stick initiative in Cork City represents a leap, quite literally, towards innovative, sustainable, and joyful urban mobility. It’s a small hop for a commuter, but a giant bounce for Cork’s environmental efforts. We’re thrilled to support this groundbreaking scheme that promises not only to reduce our carbon footprint but also to increase smiles per mile. Let’s spring into action and make Cork the bounciest city in the world!”

Local businesses have already begun to embrace the initiative, with some cafes and shops offering discounts to customers who arrive on pogo sticks. Furthermore, a competitive element has been introduced, with monthly competitions for the longest continuous pogo stick jump and most creative pogo tricks.

Critics of the scheme have raised concerns about the practicality of pogo stick commuting, especially in Cork’s famously unpredictable weather. However, proponents argue that the initiative’s novelty and the community’s well-known sense of humour will ensure its success.

As Cork City bounces into a greener future, the world watches with bated breath (and a slight bounce in their step) to see the outcomes of this unique experiment. Whether it’s a leap of faith or a jump to conclusions, one thing is certain: Cork’s streets are about to get a lot more springy.

(Happy April Fools Day, Cork!)

*He definitely did not say this.